I met her for the first time at EIRC-Kolkata,
on the day of our GDBC’s class. I was sitting in the class with no one around
me. Nearly everyone in that class had a friend to chat with or knowing each
other (maybe by virtue of their coaching classes). But I had no one with me. I
was new to this place and I was searching for someone…. as it was the time when life was pinching me and telling me that I
don't deserve to be anyone's friend and I don't deserve to be the part of
anyone's company. How much I tried to get into some new friends, I always got ignorance
from their side. No one accepted me. The life was diverting towards the state
of frustration and depression. I was disagreeing to the fact that I have turned
so boring after my student life that I am unable to make a single new friend
(except few at my workplace).
While sitting in the class, I was concentrating on Lecture of the faculty and was busy in noting-down the key-points and thinking about my loneliness and why don't I have a single friend with whom I can share everything I have in my heart to speak out. Suddenly, I heard whisperings of few girls sitting behind, I turned a little to give them a dirty look but it doesn’t work and I had to ignore. All of a sudden our faculty asked to form a group to discuss on some topic; I had no choice other than turning around. Now we were around 7-8 members having discussion on some bull-shitttt topic.
While sitting in the class, I was concentrating on Lecture of the faculty and was busy in noting-down the key-points and thinking about my loneliness and why don't I have a single friend with whom I can share everything I have in my heart to speak out. Suddenly, I heard whisperings of few girls sitting behind, I turned a little to give them a dirty look but it doesn’t work and I had to ignore. All of a sudden our faculty asked to form a group to discuss on some topic; I had no choice other than turning around. Now we were around 7-8 members having discussion on some bull-shitttt topic.
However, I was
impressed with the thoughts of Shilpa and liked the way she puts her
points during the discussion. In lunch hour when I was having sweets and
thinking about her sweet smile, I was scared to see her coming towards me. I
never saw her before this day and I was scared that if she will ask me about
anything I may be unable to speak as a very long period has passed since I had
conversation with any person of my age group. I always got some 40+ (friends of
my father, relatives & seniors at my w.place) who always tried to motivate
me for my CA Completion & a better carrier as I am yet to clear my CA after
5-6 years of Job. Yes, these 5-6 years made me lose all the confidence I had in
me. All the childhood, school & college friends left me because I was
making my life terrible and horrible day by day. The profuse entertainment in
my life was making everyone go away from me. So, I was bit scared and therefore
seeing the people of my age group hesitate me as I lost the confidence of
talking to them.
Suddenly, she was standing in front of me and asked, “Amaresh your cell no. pls." I was shocked and inexpressible after listening my name from her. Only thought which annihilate my brain was that she remember my name in few minutes. I shared… and couldn't speak anything after that, even I was also expecting her no. too but I couldn’t ask due to hesitation. In evening we called it a day and I left for HWH stn. as I had to catch a train to Ranchi (my home).
Suddenly, she was standing in front of me and asked, “Amaresh your cell no. pls." I was shocked and inexpressible after listening my name from her. Only thought which annihilate my brain was that she remember my name in few minutes. I shared… and couldn't speak anything after that, even I was also expecting her no. too but I couldn’t ask due to hesitation. In evening we called it a day and I left for HWH stn. as I had to catch a train to Ranchi (my home).
Around 9pm, I saw
a motivational msg in my mobile from an unknown no., while I was going through,
I found her name in ‘regards’.
Three months are
passed away but I couldn’t able to call her due to my busy schedules or may be
by hesitation, also meanwhile I got transferred to Noida from Ranchi, but one
fine-day I called her asking the updates of Institute & of that crap
IT-training, and this is how it all started...
I and Shilpa started talking. I felt quite
comfortable talking to her and almost every-time I dialed Shilpa’s no., she picked it up and I took the
where-about of Institute, exams & most imptt. about the postal-papers and
dismissed the call. So, she was quite familiar to me and hence I opened the
lock of my sealed heart and started sharing my personal stuffs to her one by
one. She wasn't ostentatious and this helped me to open up more. She was
astonished that I never shared all this with anyone and how could I live with
such soreness from so many years without sharing it with anyone.
Now, Shilpa
started calling me every night and we used to talk for an hour. She used to ask
me various things like my childhood, best moment, favorite movie, my dreams, my
passion, my likings etc etc etc. She was very talkative and the best example of
proving my statement is that she talked to me incessantly for 1-2 hours several
times without break. After that, she used to call me at 10.30 PM after dinner
and I used to tell her at 11.30 or 12:00 that we should sleep now otherwise
attending office next day can turn into enfilades tomorrow. I started liking
her….
It is so obvious
that an Indian boy who had no friend from last 5-6 years suddenly got a girl
who gave her shoulder to cry and a support to survive will definitely fall in
love with her. It was almost 18 months of our friendship and I started liking
her after 3 months itself. I didn't knew whether I should tell her my feelings
or I should keep it locked in my heart because it may result in our break-up and
I would be unable to forgive myself after that.
Finally, one day, I decided that I'll open up my heart to her. I had no friend and she turned out to be the Best Friend to me. This girl having load of her immense studies & some health issues. In spite of that, she always tried to come and met me on my every visit of Kolkata. She used to talk to me day-in & day-out, while walking, while eating and everytime until I used to tell her that I got some work or I am in rush now. After reaching home, she would start messaging me and after the dinner she talked to me on phone for more than 2 hours everyday. I was quite sure that a girl who devoted all her time to me would be surely in love with me like I am.
It was 10.30 PM and I started waiting for her call. At 10.40 PM, my cell ringed and it was Shilpa. Quite late. Those 10 minutes were as long as those 2 years. After talking to her for 30 minutes, I said,"Shilpa, I want to tell you something and I won't take much time otherwise I'll skip it again and it would be impossible for me to say it anytime in future." She replied, "My God, what happened to you? Ok. Say. I am waiting. Do it fast. I am scared." I replied, "Why?" She said, "I never saw you in such a hurry." I said, "But do promise me that you'll not take me as a bad human being after that." She said, "No. I'll not." I started, yes I was stammering but still sounded like KKHH's Shahrukh,. "Shilpa, my life was quite boring until you touched it with your pleasant and sweet nature. I don't know from when and how but I have started liking you. I didn't want to waste more time and as your CWA-Inter exams are about to come and I don't know whether I'll meet you after that or not so I wanted to say it as soon as possible. I love you and I see a great partner in you. Will you love to be the most important part of my life?"
There was a huge silence for almost 20 seconds. I deciphered the fact that the things didn't work out as I thought it would and I spoke with lots of guts, "Shilpa, I am waiting to hear you. Will you please say something?" Again a silence of another 10 seconds. I opened my bloody mouth again, "Shilpa, you talk so much. Please say something right now." At last, she said, "Amaresh, I tried to be a very good friend with you. The day I came to know how alone you were, I tried to give all sorts of company to you. I always thought that you needed a friend and I tried to fill that blank. I didn't knew that you were thinking about having romance with me from all these days. I never knew that you will show the same dirtiness which I get to see in every boy now-a-days. You are no different. And, let me tell you that you have broke me so badly that I'll never trust a boy again. This is the last time I am talking to anyone. And never try to call me again." She cut the call.
I sensed a lump in her throat while speaking all this. She was really shocked and she didn't wanted me to do this to her. I tried to call her back but she never picked it up again. After 2 days, she changed her number. I never tried to go to her house because I didn't want any problem to touch her. I never knew that my void life will experience a girl as the best friend. I didn't even knew that the same girl will be the one I'll start loving.
Finally, one day, I decided that I'll open up my heart to her. I had no friend and she turned out to be the Best Friend to me. This girl having load of her immense studies & some health issues. In spite of that, she always tried to come and met me on my every visit of Kolkata. She used to talk to me day-in & day-out, while walking, while eating and everytime until I used to tell her that I got some work or I am in rush now. After reaching home, she would start messaging me and after the dinner she talked to me on phone for more than 2 hours everyday. I was quite sure that a girl who devoted all her time to me would be surely in love with me like I am.
It was 10.30 PM and I started waiting for her call. At 10.40 PM, my cell ringed and it was Shilpa. Quite late. Those 10 minutes were as long as those 2 years. After talking to her for 30 minutes, I said,"Shilpa, I want to tell you something and I won't take much time otherwise I'll skip it again and it would be impossible for me to say it anytime in future." She replied, "My God, what happened to you? Ok. Say. I am waiting. Do it fast. I am scared." I replied, "Why?" She said, "I never saw you in such a hurry." I said, "But do promise me that you'll not take me as a bad human being after that." She said, "No. I'll not." I started, yes I was stammering but still sounded like KKHH's Shahrukh,. "Shilpa, my life was quite boring until you touched it with your pleasant and sweet nature. I don't know from when and how but I have started liking you. I didn't want to waste more time and as your CWA-Inter exams are about to come and I don't know whether I'll meet you after that or not so I wanted to say it as soon as possible. I love you and I see a great partner in you. Will you love to be the most important part of my life?"
There was a huge silence for almost 20 seconds. I deciphered the fact that the things didn't work out as I thought it would and I spoke with lots of guts, "Shilpa, I am waiting to hear you. Will you please say something?" Again a silence of another 10 seconds. I opened my bloody mouth again, "Shilpa, you talk so much. Please say something right now." At last, she said, "Amaresh, I tried to be a very good friend with you. The day I came to know how alone you were, I tried to give all sorts of company to you. I always thought that you needed a friend and I tried to fill that blank. I didn't knew that you were thinking about having romance with me from all these days. I never knew that you will show the same dirtiness which I get to see in every boy now-a-days. You are no different. And, let me tell you that you have broke me so badly that I'll never trust a boy again. This is the last time I am talking to anyone. And never try to call me again." She cut the call.
I sensed a lump in her throat while speaking all this. She was really shocked and she didn't wanted me to do this to her. I tried to call her back but she never picked it up again. After 2 days, she changed her number. I never tried to go to her house because I didn't want any problem to touch her. I never knew that my void life will experience a girl as the best friend. I didn't even knew that the same girl will be the one I'll start loving.
On this day, I
remembered no one except her. I lost my best friend that day and from then I am
back to the same life. No friends. Lonely life, Crying Eyes, Failed Academic
career, And I'm attempting my CA-final for the 3nd time this year. I hope she
will come back once again to give a push to my life. I miss you, Shilpa.
P.S.: It has nothing
to do with me or anyone, any resemblance with any person dead or alive is
purely co-incidence.
