Book Review (Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus) by John Gray

 

A Relationship Bible by John Gray

It's long since I was searching for a book that could teach me how to start with a good married life…. Maybe because I was about to lose my bachelorhood last month JJ. I was picking many books that were related to Relationship & to understand women in a better way… and fortunately one of my friends advised me to read this book. I was a bit lazy to read it but when I started reading I could not stop myself. Every time I read I felt as if it was meant just for me. I could not believe the problems mentioned in this book were so real and also the solutions offered….

Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
One day long ago the Martians, looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel and flew to Venus. The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. Then they decided to fly to Earth.
In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. But the effects of the earth’s atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a peculiar of amnesia. Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. And since that day men and women have been in conflict.
Men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awareness of our differences, we don’t take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and tolerant. When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom.

Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

It is important to remember that men and women have reciprocally different natures. Men and women need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way they do.

Chapter 2: Mr. Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee

Men love to have their abilities recognized and appreciated, but women love to have their feelings recognized and appreciated.

Men like to work on their own, and exercise their abilities by solving problems quickly and singlehandedly; women like to co-operate, and exercise their feelings through interactive communication with one another. Men desire that their solutions will be appreciated; women desire that their assistance will be appreciated.

Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk

When men do communicate, they like to get to the point, and generally only want to listen if they feel the conversation has a point; women enjoy talking for its own sake, and are happy to listen unconditionally.

Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex

In a relationship, a man needs to feel that his attentions are needed, and a woman needs to feel that her needs are attended. To achieve this, a man has to express his desire to fulfil her needs and her worthiness to receive his care, and a woman has to express her desire for his care and his worthiness to fulfil her needs. Both must remember to appreciate, accept, and forgive the other, and avoid blaming them when they fail.

Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages

Men talk in very literal terms for the purpose of relaying information; women employ artistic license and dramatic vocabulary to fully express and relate their feelings.

Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands

Men periodically bolt for cover when they suddenly fear that their self-sufficiency is becoming threatened. At these times they may become utterly unapproachable, demanding the right to be left on their own and to be allowed not to express their feelings, but if given support by being afforded space for a little while, they will soon feel better and spring back into their usual loving selves once again. It can be hard for women to handle the suddenness and speed with which men bolt for cover, and then subsequently spring back.

Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves

Men demand the right to be free from time to time; women demand the right to be heard from time to time. When a man feels free he finds it easier to support a woman’s need to be heard; when a woman feels heard she finds it easier to support a man’s need to be free.

Chapter 8: Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs

Men and women need to remember that the emotional needs of the opposite sex are not the same as their own. Providing our partners with the wrong type of emotional needs will not be greatly appreciated.

Men must listen attentively to women to understand their needs, avoiding getting angry or defensive; women must have faith in men's abilities and best efforts to fulfill their needs, avoiding trying to change or control them.

Chapter 9: How To Avoid Arguments

Communication between relationship partners should be loving and respectful; verbal attacks by contrast are highly destructive. It is often not so much what is said that causes the damage, but the tone of voice and body language which accompanies it.

To stop communication degenerating into arguments, men should strive to listen without getting defensive, and women should try to express their feelings without criticizing their partners.

Chapter 10: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex

Men feel loved if their efforts at giving are appreciated; women feel loved according to what they receive. For women, loving someone means knowing and attending to their needs without waiting to be asked, and so a loved person should never have to ask for anything as their needs ought to be anticipated ahead of time.

Men value results; for women it’s the thought that counts. A woman may consider a bunch of flowers to be just as good a proof of love as an entire month of hard work towards paying the bills.

Men should try to identify various little ways to give to their partners without waiting to be asked first, and should avoid the mistake of assuming their partners to be happy giving and not asking for anything back. If men give, and women appreciate, both end up feeling happy.

Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings

To ease the pain and win love, men often obsessively seek success, and women obsessively seek perfection. Men may use anger, ego, or oblivion (such as burying themselves in their work) to avoid vulnerable feelings of pain or fear; women may lapse into depression or confusion to avoid having aggressive feelings of anger.

Writing our feelings down is excellent for expressing our negative emotions (anger, pain, fear, and regret) in a controlled manner, rather than letting them explode at our partners in the heat of the moment.

Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It

It is best to allow a man the freedom to do things in a way and at a time that works for him. If a man is busy doing something and a woman needs his help on something else, she should feel free to ask him for help, but be prepared for him to request to defer it or even to refuse it; if requests always require positive answers, they are really demands, and men will sense the difference. If a man grumbles about a request then he is actually considering it, and the best approach is to simply wait for him to come to a decision without saying anything further, and aim to accept the outcome graciously.

Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive

In relationships, unresolved negative feelings can pop up without warning, and we suddenly become upset, or sensitive, or distant. When this happens to our partners we should encourage them to work through it, accepting that it may take some time and that they may need support from outside as well as from ourselves….

Love inevitably changes over time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever, and over time our personal faults and negative baggage inevitably become exposed. But if we stick tight through the ups and downs of life and each other, then our initial bliss gradually changes into a mature form of love which can become stronger and fuller with every passing year….

The author has so nicely explained both men as well as woman's needs, desires, their expectations from the spouse...everything. The best is the way he explains, takes practical examples from his life
as well as from the seminars he conducted and the problems faced by different people. I am sure in this book you will find a solution to your tensions or problems.

I would suggest everybody who's interested in sharing a good understanding and a good relation with their Friends, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, spouse.